At the beginning of the internet revolution in the early 1990s, internet dating used to be looked on as a taboo subject, relegated to only the most desperate and lonely men, but in recent years, as people have become more technically savvy, the idea of finding your soul mate online has become mainstream, so much so that these days it is almost impossible to watch a television program without seeing at least one online dating website commercial. If you’re looking for a life partner or maybe just a little companionship, it’s time to get off the couch and give online dating a try.

Ask any woman what they find most attractive about a man, and many will say it’s confidence. We’ve all seen it — a gorgeous, refined woman on the arms of an unattractive guy — and have asked ourselves, “how did he get her?” The answer is confidence. Confidence is perhaps the great equalizer in dating. It can make or break you. Without confidence, many men would not even dare to talk to a woman they perceive to be out of their league so to speak and if the first step isn’t made, there can be no relationship. Confident men, on the other hand, aren’t afraid to take risks. Nothing in life comes without a little risk, so it’s important to make the first step. Online dating can allow a man to be more confident because it’s more impersonal and less intimidating to talk to a woman from behind a computer screen. Having gained confidence in the early stages of online dating can facilitate a real life meeting later down the road.

Body language reveals more about you than you know. A slight lean forward may indicate to a woman that you’re interested in her and clinging to her every word. A break of eye contact or sitting with his feet pointed forward may show a lack of confidence. Or perhaps you slump in your seat. That could easily tell a woman that you’re not taking what she is saying seriously. It is important to watch your body language because you could be sending mixed messages with the words coming out of your mouth not matching what your body is saying.

It’s important not to take yourself too seriously. So what if you have a hard time finding a date? It’s not the end of the world. And if you choose to find a date online, it doesn’t really matter in the end as long as you have a good time and meet a nice person. A lot of men base too much of their self worth on whether or not they can get a girl. Things don’t work out for a lot of reasons. If they don’t, sometimes the best thing is to just sit back and laugh about the situation rather than sitting around the house depressed about your social life.

Rejection is part of every day life. It’s important to not take things too seriously and to just move on. You’ll be a happier person in the long run. As the saying goes, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Not every relationship will work out. In fact, the odds are stacked against you and in the end, you will have more failures than success. But, finding the right person for you makes up for all the rejections, for in the end, it’s who you wind up with, not who you’ve dated to get there.

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Once a woman responds to a profile or posting that she likes, the hard work begins. The first thing he should do is carefully read the woman’s profile and pick out some unique and interesting things about her. This will allow you to get an idea about her likes, dislikes, and her sense of humor. Then you can begin sending her funny and creative messages that capture some sense of her personality. When exchanging instant messages and emails, one of the most important things that a man should do is spell check for proper grammar and punctuation. Taking time to ensure that your message is error free sends a strong and positive signal to the woman.

Another important consideration when flirting with women online is to remember that she is probably not in the market for a one-night stand. Men should be complimentary without being aggressive. For example, if she changes her profile picture, instead of complimenting a physical characteristic, tell her how much you like her dress or some piece of jewelry she may be wearing. When exchanging messages, tell her that you found one of her jokes funny and that she probably has a delightful laugh. These small touches can be engaging and will go a long way towards engendering lasting affection.

Learning to pick up her flirtations and respond accordingly is invaluable. Women love to flirt. However, if the man seems too eager or responds in an offensive manner, she may terminate communication with him. Respond to her by asking open-ended questions and let her dictate the level of intimacy. If she escalates, then it is proper for you to escalate. It is important to be completely honest during the flirtation. Not only can it be difficult to keep up with misleading statements, but also for many women, dishonesty is a deal breaker.

Online flirting is much trickier than it initially seems. However, once you earn a woman’s trust, she will be ready to increase the level of intimacy. Many people have met their significant others online. They will tell you that online dating is no shortcut. However, by being cognizant and learning how to flirt with women online, you may be well on your way to finding true happiness as well.

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A good place to look for tips is the new online dating book Soulmates that has a sometimes sad, sometimes funny list of dispatches from online singles serving at the front line in the never ending battle for love.

Take Saes (ASL: M, 55, North Wales) who exchanged messages with a lady from Derbyshire because his mum still lived there and he could stay over. They arranged to meet for afternoon tea in a Buxton hotel.

She was at least 10 years older than advertised and kept white gloves on for the whole proceedings, presumably to hide her hands.

After tea, she excused herself for nose powdering while Saes paid the bill but she never returned. He panicked, thinking that at her advanced age, she might have collapsed in the ladies, so he asked one of the waitresses to check the toilets – only to discover she’d done a runner.

He then mooched around the market and spotted his date with a group of similar-looking ladies. As he watched they got on a waiting coach bearing the sign “Trip to Buxton”. The cunning minx had booked Saes as afternoon entertainment – together with a free pot of tea – as part of her pensioners’ day out.

Miss Conduct (ASL: 30, F, unknown) was at the doctor’s with a seven-day itch.

Dr Pete appeared instead of the woman doctor and she was so sick of waiting that she let the unknown man inspect her ailing ‘downstairs’.

“It all looks very healthy,” he smiled, emerging from the blue “modesty-covering” paper that bedecked her lower half.

Four days later the symptoms had disappeared, and the tests had all proved negative. Itch-free and uncontaminated, she was ready to hit the dating world once more.

Then, a sweet message appeared in her inbox from a guy who referred to himself simply as “P”, saying he was fond of poetry, psychology and photography like Miss Conduct and would she like to meet up in the pub?

He sounded funny, thoughtful and interesting – and wasn’t bad-looking either. But something about his photo niggled. He looked just a little too familiar. She checked his profession: medical/dental/veterinary and realised with 99.9% certainty that she’d just been asked out by her gynaecologist.

* Soulmates: True Stories from the World of Online Dating by Sonali Fernando is published by Guardian Books RRP £8.99

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