Getting Over Past Hurt

There is scarcely a person involved in a happy relationship who has not also known a painful one. This may be of little comfort to you if you are currently hurting, but it is still a fact. Relationships can be a one-way street, with only one party giving while the other takes. External factors or interference from others can bring an end as well. The most important thing is to get over past hurts so that you can move forward into a more satisfying relationship.

The first thing you should do is quit trying to affix blame. It really doesn’t matter whether your ex was selfish and self-centred. Your parents’ disapproval is irrelevant. Friends’ gossip is immaterial. Any of these could have some basis in fact, but now that the relationship is over, none of them count. Focusing on who was at fault is a roadblock to moving on. Accept what is without spending too much time on who did what. You need to look forward, not back.

Don’t blame yourself, either. Maybe you weren’t perfect in your treatment of your ex. No one ever is, and your flaws were likely insufficient to cause the break-up. Remember that a failed relationship does not make you a failure. You are worthy of love, and entering a new relationship with any other attitude is practically guaranteeing that it, too, will end.

Hold on to any good memories you might have. Obviously, there was something in the relationship that appealed to you. Don’t let pain or bitterness take away pleasant memories. This can prevent you from finding new, wonderful things to remember in the future.

Show yourself some kindness. While you don’t want to wallow in your misery, it is perfectly acceptable to pamper yourself when you are feeling low. Buy a book you’ve wanted to read but were too busy to do so. See the movie your ex refused to watch but you had eagerly anticipated. Have dinner at your favorite Chinese restaurant which your ex abhorred. In short, give yourself the treats that you had denied yourself in the interest of accommodating someone else.

Remember that the best way to get rid of pain is to fill your heart with so much joy and happiness that there is no room for hurt. This means that you cannot erect barriers between yourself and others. It does not mean that you should blindly and indiscriminately proceed with your life. There may have been issues with the past relationship, such as abuse or dishonesty, that you do not want to see repeated. Guard against such traits, but not against people. Otherwise, your soul mate may arrive on the scene to find the gates locked and the drawbridge raised.

Hurts heal, regardless of what you might think at the moment. Let go of the past, and greet the future with joy, excitement, and anticipation. Hold on to the happiness that awaits you, not the pain in the past.

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