How to Make That First Approach to Another Member

Even experienced online daters often need some helpful advice about how to write that very first message to another new member on their site. Here are some of the ones proven to be the most successful.

Break the Ice

Your first email should be both subtle and try to get their attention in a positive, professional way. You could start by writing some of the reasons why your interest peaked when you saw their posted picture and read about them. You should come across confident, respectful, intelligent, and sincere. Finding out some things you both have in common is another great ice breaker.

Invite A Reply

Communicate in such a way that you come across as welcoming and accepting of the person. Always finish your first communication with words such as “invite,” “encourage,” “please,” “suggest, “contact,” and “respond.” Your ending line so you get a positive reply and response could be as simple as, “It would be great if you could please respond to this email, as I encourage you to contact me at your earliest convenience, which I hope is very soon.” Just don’t act too intimate or personal as of yet since you’re still new to each other.

Show An Interest

Definitely state that you’re very interested in the individual, that you’d like to get to know much more about the person, and you’re also ready to reveal yourself fully to the other person when the time seems right. Write persuasively and with integrity when you communicate as well.


After the first few initial communications, the time becomes ripe to flirt. Flirting means to have fun with your words. But don’t go overboard. Never say anything rude, insensitive, crude, harsh, peculiar, or frightening. Be warm and caring but also display your interest and desire with some words of affection, possibly commenting favorably on the person’s facial features, or hair style, smile, or even their beautiful complexion. But do it in a discreet, professional, respectful way and still have fun with it at the same time.

Give Compliments

Don’t hesitate to state that you think the other person comes across as wise, resourceful, talented, creative, funny, happy, beautiful, cheerful, optimistic, positive, sincere, outgoing, flamboyant, exciting, or even fascinating. Compliments will clinch the introduction, since everybody loves to receive them. Keep them coming, as many as you can think of.

Be Honest

Never lie or exaggerate in your first communication. It will often come across as disingenuous at best, and will most likely be found out. This could seriously jeopardize the blossoming relationship’s newly established trust factor.